Viva Glam
by dcurley1
Summary: When a bet brings Alice and Emmett to a shocking discovery, what more will be revealed when appearances are just scratching the surface?
1. One

**Viva Glam: One**

**Rated M for the potential of all things adult.**

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved within are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Lots of thanks and hugs to duskri123 and elleleigh for their support. At this point, this is not beta'd, though that could very well change. **

**This is a drabble-fic inspired by **_**RuPaul's Drag Race, **_**insomnia, and an odd imagination****.**

** AU, non-canon (pairing will not be revealed...for awhile...*cue evil laughter*)**

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"Oh God, no more, Alice, no more," Emmett groaned. "I can't take this shit anymore! For real, my balls are gonna fall off and I'm gonna end up sprouting a vagina if I watch anymore of this shit. I'll do anything else, but I want my TV and my remote back, please."

"No, no, no, Emmett. A deal is a deal and a promise is a promise." Alice scowled, wagging her tiny index finger in Emmett's pouting face. "I won the bet, so you're just going to have to suck it up. You said that if I won, that I would have complete control over your TV for the next month. And we've only watched two movies so far! Two!"

"Yeah, but—"

"But nothing!" Alice screeched. "I won. You lost. Suck it up and deal with it, you big baby!"

"Now," Alice continued, taking a deep breath and smoothing her blouse. " Do you want to watch _The Golden Girls, Project Runway_, or _RuPaul's Drag Race_?"

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	2. Dos

**Viva Glam: Dos**

**Rated M for the potential of all things adult.**

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved within are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Lots of thanks and hugs to duskri123, elleleigh, and darknnerdy for their support. **

**At this point, this is not beta'd, though that could very well change.**

* * *

"So, what do you want to watch?" Alice asked Emmett the following evening as the Cullens settled in the evening.

"Are there any more _Golden Girls_ episodes left?" Emmett asked hopefully. Rosalie froze on her way out to the garage, stunned that he actually wanted to watch the program considering the massive temper-tantrum he had thrown the previous evening. Then again, Rosalie mused as she continued on to the garage—her peace and respite from her well intentioned though thoroughly annoying family; Dorothy, Blanche, Sophia, and Rose were pretty kick-ass ladies.

"Seriously, you actually _want_ to watch _The Golden Girls_? Without kicking, screaming, or pouting?" Alice asked warily. Evidently, Emmett had chosen _The Golden Girls _under the misguided assumption that it was fetish porn...and was not at all pleased when the ladies paraded out on the screen in all their sassy, senior glory

"Hell yeah! I mean, I know I wasn't all that _thrilled_ when we first started watching, but you know something, Alice? Those chicks are cool...and Blanche is hot."

"Ew!" Alice shuddered. "Seriously, Emmett? You really think she's hot?"

"Yeah! I mean, check it. Blanche is a total cougar, hell, she could teach me things. Dirty things, Alice. She'd probably let me do all kinds of freaky porn stuff, too. " Emmett replied, a dreamy smile on his face.

"There's something wrong with you, Emmett."

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	3. Trois

**Viva Glam: Trois**

**Rated M for the potential of all things adult.**

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved within are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Lots of thanks and spanks to duskri123, elleleigh, geezerwench, The Understudy and darknnerdy for their support. **

**At this point, this is not beta'd, though that could very well change.**

* * *

"So, what do you want to watch?" Alice asked as she plopped down next to Emmett on the couch a few nights later.

"Um well...there's _Duck Dynasty_ and _Pawn Stars _episodes left on the DVR that I haven't seen yet. Wanna watch _Duck Dynasty_?" Emmett pleaded, all puppy-dog eyes and dimples. Truthfully, he was bummed that there weren't anymore _Golden Girls_ episodes left as he and Alice had burned through all seven seasons pretty quickly.

"You mean that show about those rednecks with the nasty beards?"

"What? Oh my god, woman! Their beards are fucking awesome! Epic even! Their beards are like the pinnacle of all that is masculine—"

"Oh my god yourself, Emmett! I don't care about their grotty beards and their magical powers or whatever. I'm not watching _Pawn Stars_, I get enough of that crap with Jasper." Alice huffed, rolling her eyes. She loved her mate, she really did. She loved Jasper's intelligence, his eagerness to learn, his ever-present curiosity...but sometimes, just sometimes, Alice wanted pure brain candy, fluff if you will. Unfortunately for Alice, Jasper had little patience, or interest, in fluff...the party pooper. "So it's going to be either _RuPaul's Drag Race _or _Project Runway_, although I guess I could give _Duck Dynasty _a shot_." _

"Thanks, Alice!" Emmett sighed in relief. He loved his Rosie, but honestly, he was a little burnt out on racing and motors and gears and blah blah camshaft blah.

...though he never would have thought that a drag queen like RuPaul was a gearhead into drag racing like his Rosie...


End file.
